Here is the thing about fitness. I love going to the gym in the morning but I love sleep a little bit more. Therefore my snooze button gets a lot of action on the side. Despite my strong urge to crawl under the covers and fall into a deep slumber I usually force my lazy ass up. By reminding myself of how amazing it feels once you get a good session in for the day with the ultimate goal of becoming a soccer mom.
To combat the somewhat mundane gym sessions I decided I wanted to switch things up by giving F45 a chance. I’d heard a lot of horror stories around it in the past but I’ve also never backed down from a challenge.
So one fine Thursday evening I went for my first F45 session after hyping myself up on Eminem’s Kamikaze album and tragic amounts of bubble tea.
Here are the train of thoughts that crossed my mind during those grueling 45 minutes.
1. Just because they had a promo deal does not mean your fat ass had to opt for a large instead of a regular bubble tea.
2. You’ll be fine, suck it up princess. Your mama didn’t raise no bitch.
3. Breathe, focus on deep and even breaths.
4. See, its fine who doesn’t love a few jumping jacks. You’ve smashed 2kms on the treadmill before. You got this shit.
5. Nup, gonna puke.
6. Don’t make eye contact with the trainer. He always walks over when you do.
7. *makes eye contact* damn he’s fit. If I survive this session want to ask him what his gym routine looks like because his ass could give JLo a run for her money.
8. Fuck, my leg is cramping up again.
9. Maybe I’ll sit this set out for a minute and take a breather. Surely he won’t notice.
10. *Trainer proceeds to walk over* Okay, okay I’m up! Damn Brian let a girl breathe.
11. I can feel my face heating up. Am I going through early menopause? Is that even possible?!
12. Maybe if I stand real still behind this punching bag and blend in like a chameleon, Brian won’t notice.
13. This playlist could do with some variety though. I’ve got some bomb Spotify playlist recommendations for him.
14. This is literally how I’m going to die. Didn’t even get to go Greece yet.
15. *Trainor announces that we get a few minutes before our next set* That’s it I’m out. Peace out girl scout!
The amount of times I talked myself in and out of that class during those 45 minutes were insane but I did end up completing it because of point number 2. At the end of it I felt energized and exhausted but as I walked out and waved goodbye to my fellow warriors.I vowed I’d never come back. I loved the challenge but I’m not a sadist.
Strategic Chaos 