Thoughts That You’ll Inevitably Have as a Rookie Indoor Rock Climbing Enthusiast

Growing up little girls almost always fell into two categories:

  1. You’d have your ‘girly girls’ who loved nothing more than to play house-wife with their little kitchen set and chucky lookin babies.
  2. Next, you’d have the ‘tomboys’ who loved nothing more than to run around the building in their sneakers playing tag and wrestling other boys in the sandpit just to make a point.
  3. Then there was me. An outlier that was an odd mix of both. Yes, I couldn’t stand playing with a Bratz doll and always had more guy friends than girls, but that never stopped me from going into my mum’s makeup closet and applying some pink lipstick to compensate for my button nose.

I’d love to say that things changed as I got older but that’s a lie. I still suck at make-up but god knows I still try. My contouring skills might have me looking like I have a 5 o’clock shadow but at least I’m able to get a decent wing on my eyelids.

That being said I’m still a tomboy and don’t mind a few callouses. In my opinion, it makes for a great conversation starter on first dates. To ensure the maintenance of my callouses a friend and I decided to do some indoor rock climbing on the weekend.

Some people like to do brunches I like to walk around with chipped nails.

As someone with a disturbingly active imagination, of course, I put together a list of thoughts that almost all rookie rock climbers have during their rock climbing sessions.

  1. I shouldn’t have done my nails. Goddamnit how is something that looks so beautiful whilst typing be such pain while climbing.
  2. This harness is giving me a permanent wedgie. I swear this thing is designed to give women a camel toe.
  3. I can barely fit two toes into these ‘jugs’ who the hell designed these? It’s like they didn’t account for the fact that some people might have Shrek sized feet instead.
  4. If I reach out for that large but distant jug in the top left corner I might be able to lift myself with my minimal upper body strength.
  5. *random song with a sick beat plays in the background* If only I had an extra pair of arms I could’ve Shazam’d that song. Now I’ll have to memorize those lyrics and type them into Google as I did in high school.
  6. Whatever you do, don’t look down.
  7. *looks down anyway* holy sh*t that’s high! Now my palms are gonna get clammy and I’m going to plummet to my death because of the smart ass belaying me doesn’t know what he’s doing!
  8. How is that mum letting her toddler run around like a free squirrel when there is a good chance that I might land on top of him on my way down!?
  9. I wonder if this harness gives you a non-surgical butt lift? Now all I need is a boob job, lip fillers, botox, flat tummy, hair extensions, rich husband, raunchy sex tape (to kick off my career) and permanently photoshopped skin to look like the Kardashians.
  10. That’s it I’m done! Whoever likes to do this for fun on a weekly basis instead of ruining the health of their gut over Coronas is seriously messed up.

Published by The Strategic Chaos

What happens when you mix an engineering major with a creative mindset who's always getting herself into awkward situations? The strategic chaos is born. It's what a love child between Mindy Kaling and Mark Cuban would look like. With Kevin Hart as side piece.

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