I’m 29 and I’m roughly 6 months away from the big three-oh. And whilst I am still processing that. It has also come to my attention that my parents are getting older too. The world prepares you for the inevitable loss of your youth by shoving reverse aging formulas down your throat. But nothing ever prepares you for the inevitable truth of your parents aging too. 

I grew up in a South-Asian household with your stereotypical immigrant parents. This meant that (in my eyes) it took a long time for them to transition from authoritative figures to individuals who just happened to make important decisions and give birth to me. 

However, after having moved out, this reality hit me harder than a hangover after a bottomless brunch. They were getting older and in complete denial of it. But their years were starting to show and I (just like many other young adults) suddenly found myself faced with the truth that our roles were reversing.

So how do you deal with this truth when you are faced with it?

1. Give yourself space to feel things

We live in a day and age where WW3 is just around the corner and we (as a generation) have grown numb to all of these ‘once in a lifetime events’ and have emotionally detached from everything around us in order to cope. But whilst it may suck to sit in your feelings and acknowledge this period of your life. I highly encourage it. There may be tears but there will also be a sense of calmness that will eventually come about. 

2.    Don’t be so harsh on yourself

Depending on how old your parents might be and/or where you are in your life. You might be juggling multiple different responsibilities and now suddenly might have to take on the role of a caregiver. All of this will take a toll on your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. Taking time to acknowledge this change and making room to do things for your own sanity should be prioritised. Even if its only done so in small doses.

3.     Make your peace with the change in roles

If you grew up with semi-strict immigrant parents, you almost always viewed them as authority figures. You probably got into heated arguments with them in the past, but then over the years noticed that the arguments weren’t as intense anymore. The authority was suddenly replaced with a sense of fragility. You see it in the way they move and the way they speak. And before you know it you slowly start to realise that you’ve taken on the role of a caregiver (in some capacity). This might be a tough pill to swallow for kids growing up in such tense environments. But taking on the role of a caregiver will shed light on the fact that, ultimately your parents were just two humans trying to make the best decisions with the options presented to them. They might not have gone about the right way and caused trauma that inevitbly started to show in your young adult years. But they were simply humans trying to do the best they could with what they had.

4.      Talk to a friend

Call your friend. I don’t care what time of the day or night. Pick up your damn phone and talk to them. I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I realised that I was not alone in this. More often than not, all of this feels overwhelming because it feels like we are going through it alone. But the truth is, this part of your life is simply another phase that all of us have either gone through, going through or will go through at some point. We are all experiencing it as a collective. So there is no shame in talking to your closest friend about it. Even if that friend is a therapist or your best friend of 10-plus years who has probably seen you look like a wet ferret after a Friday night.