Modern day dating is no joke. Quite honetsly it can be quite vicious and in some instances feel like a literal cesspool, leaving the average human in 2022 feeling emotionally mentally and physically depleated. However to those of us who manage to navigate around the ghosting and breadcrumbing stages of modern day dating, sometimes find ourselves in relationships that start to crack when the pivotal question ‘where do you see this relationship going?’ is asked.
In the past women (and men, but I’m going to stick to women for this post because, well, I’m a woman myself) have settled for so much less because we did not know there was more out there. We settled for less in so many areas, ranging from pay to career options to commitment with partners. Well thanks to modern day websites such as Glassdoor, Salary.com and PayScale etc, women no longer have to settle for lowpaid jobs or shitty careers.
But when it comes to relationships and commitment, how do we know if we are settling for less? How do we know that our partner is certain about us and the future that they claim they want with us. How do we know it is simply not a facade to buy them time and to keep us within arm’s reach? Where is a Glassdoor equivalent for that? Unfortunately there is no one website that can help you answer that question. But there are clues, and after having dated men on both ends of the spectrum, I noticed a few things. You will know that your partner is certain about a future (or a possible future with you in it) when they display the following:
- They will make the effort to have difficult conversations with you. It may take a glass of wine (or two) but they will do it no matter how uncomfortable it may. get because they will understand the importance of those conversations.
- Their words will be followed by actions that match.
- The idea of a future with you in it will excite them and you will see it. You will see it in their actions, their emotions and their everyday workflow.
- When shit hits the fan you won’t feel like you have to fend for yourself. They will make critical decisions with you.
- They will make the effort to check in with you on a regular basis.
- They will make an effort to authentically connect your friends and family.
- He will do everything he can to invest in your future because a part of him will realize it is now a part of his as well.
- He will ask you for your opinion on big issues because he will start to see the both of you as a team.
- He will do everything to get to know your extended family (including the nosy aunt)
- Conversations about his future will include you.
- Finally, he will tell you. Plain and simple. You won’t feel to need to guess where you stand in his life because it will be clear as f*king day. And that my friends is a rare find in modern day dating. So if you manage to find someone like that you do everything in your power to hold onto them.