We all know dating is minefield. You think that you’ve landed something good with someone and that this relationship could finally be ‘it’. The one that’ll stop you from questioning if you’ve made the right decision, the one that will make you want to open up a joint bank account and start saving for that future that the both of you envisioned, the one that you can finally get a puppy with (before potentially bringing another human into the world). But then it blows up on you, like an unexploded bomb and whatever pieces you manage the put together in the past, lay shattered in front of you.
You end up with your head between your hands as you wonder why this happened to you again. You start questioning your self-worth and try and numb the pain with cheap tequila. You feel a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from sadness, pain and anger. Predominantly anger, because you let your logic take the back seat even though you knew he was a bad idea from the start.
As women in the modern dating world where the rules get updated more frequently than your Spotify playlists, there is good chance that by the time you understand the concept of ‘ghosting’ a new fad such as ‘bread-crumbing’ will have had taken its place. So if you’ve been brave enough to step out into this dating minefield, it is inevitable that you would’ve dated or at least encountered the following type of men.
- The self-proclaimed ‘changed’ player
A player never changes. They simply put on new gear and get back on the field. This is the type of guy who ‘claims’ to have changed into a whole new person. Claims to have turned over a new leaf. But you know that he still lets girls slide into his DMs without a care in the world. He’s the kind of the guy who will take you out on a date one night and then send you a Snapchat video of him with random girls on a Saturday night, leaving you with an empty void as you question if you misinterpreted the signs.
The kind of guy you have steamy, heart-racing sex with but never bring home to your parents for fear of having the explain his absence during Christmas dinner later in the year.
2. The lingering ex
This is the type of guy with whom you connected on different level at the time. The type that you thought you’d end up marrying, when you were naive enough to believe that the bubble you were in during your late teens was a depiction of real-life. But as you got older the only bond that you ended up sharing with this person were the memories of your past.
He’s the type of guy who’ll pop up randomly on social media and ask for a life update, when you least expect it. Although the most contact you’ll have with him is a coffee or a casual encounter at a mutual friend’s wedding. If you’re not careful you’ll find yourself occasionally clicking on his Facebook profile on a Wednesday evening, just to see where he’s at in life, as you sip your overpriced glass of red.
3. The man child
This one is special. They’re special because they tend to conceal their man child tendencies in such a manner, that you won’t notice the fact that you’ve taken on the mom role till you’re practically forced to put him in the naughty corner. The first time you meet this guy, he’ll come off as the ultimate charmer. He’ll know what to say, how to say it and when to lower his voice so it sounds deep and husky during the most intimate moments. But give it a couple of weeks and his man-child tendencies will come out. Tendencies such as: random outbursts due to his inability to process last minute changes to plans, lack of clarity around any plans apart from day-drinking on the weekends and inability to take any ownership of the consequences of his actions.
The sex-appeal behind his tracky dacks will fade faster than that high you got from sharing a blunt with your mates in gym class, during high school.
4. The right guy at the wrong time
I saved the best for last. There is no way to describe what this man looks like because he looks different to every woman, based on her perception of what she considers an ideal partner. However as ideal as this man is, if there is one thing that I’ve learnt from the past is that. Its all about timing.
I can imagine you shaking your head right now, but let me explain. I have this analogy about romance and timing. Think of timing as that light indicator on top of taxis. Have you ever found yourself trying to hail down a cab after a messy night, only to find the ones without their light indicators drive right past you?
However if you happen to catch the eye of a taxi with a light indicator that’s on. In most instances, even if you’re on the other side of the road the cabbie will somehow chuck a u-turn and find his way back to you.
Well, because let’s face it, rent ain’t getting cheaper and I’m pretty sure he’s got bills to pay and mouths to feed.
But you can’t ignore the fact that it was all about the timing and requirement. The cabbie happened to be driving around the same area where he happened to see you attempting to waddle through the crusty streets with your heels in your hands AND he needed the money.
Similarly, for alotta women even is their ideal partner was sculpted by the Greek gods themselves with qualities that met 8/10 items on their list. If the timing isn’t right. If your soul and heart isn’t in the right place. If you haven’t made peace with your past and if you haven’t learnt to love the skin you’re in. Chances are this ‘ideal’ partner could be dressed in a neon green suit with a flashing sign, trying to get your attention AND you’d still miss him.