If you know me. You know that I love America. I know people have always questioned my choices given their questionable presidency, gun laws and well to put it mildly. Shitty coffee (by Australian standards). Despite the cons stacked against the country I’ve always had a great time over there, met some loud and energetic people and unknowingly walked into some insane parties.
In the past, I’ve probably visited the States around 5 times (excluding stopovers) and each time I was constantly left in awe at the types of questions I was asked. I thought the curious stares that I received because of my accent were entertaining until I got asked the following questions.
- Do Australians ride their kangaroos to school prior to getting their drivers license?
- Why are your spiders so big?
- You must be a pro surfer eh? (at which point I generally point out that I have two left feet and couldn’t balance on a surfboard even if my life depended on it)
- Why do all Aussies love vegemite? ( I can’t highlight my immense disgust for this food item, in my opinion, if you want to make enemies real fast then feel free to gift them a jar for Christmas)
- Wait so your national animal is a Kangaroo and you still eat them in the form of Kebabs?
- Why do you call slippers, thongs?
- I bet you just go for a quick surf in the morning before work huh? (Erm no. Not unless you can find me a sugar daddy who is will to splurge ~360 dollars a week on rent for a shoebox apartment near Bondi)
- Why is drinking out of a shoe such a big deal?
- Why do you swear so much?
- *gasps and mutters the Lord’s name* Did you just use the ‘C’ word?!
- Why do some of your wildlife look like they’re out to kill you? (That’s because they are)
- Do you walk around the supermarket barefoot as well?
- *puts on a poor imitation of the Australian accent* G’day mate! *then proceeds to ask me if they sound Australian to which nervously nod and smile to avoid an argument*
- What are your thoughts on Trump?
These were only a handful of the questions I was bombarded with in the past. Did I find it irritating? Hell no!
Otherwise how else would I get away with telling my American roommate that yes I did ride a kangaroo to school until the age of 17 and that his name was Alvin?