TW: sexual abuse 

Growing up I was always told that I had a funny laugh. And the truth is – I did. I still do. 

It isn’t cute and tame, it is ever so loud and free because it comes from the heart. However, whenever we were in public settings I was told to laugh a little quieter as though it was considered “unfeminine” to laugh from your gut. 

But this blog post isn’t about laughter.

It is about the fact that a lot of women in India are still being told to behave a certain way. To lower your gaze if a man tries to make eye contact. They are told to avoid wearing a shirt where their bra strap is slightly visible. Yet time and time again our daughters are getting abused whilst being accused of going out after 7 pm. As though walking the streets past a certain time is reason enough to, validate the actions of these predators, after they commit crime after crime. 

It is not ok. 

My heart hurt and I cried as I opened up my news feed to discover that yet another woman (a doctor nonetheless) was tragically r*aped in the hospital where she was resting after a long shift. She was simply existing and even then was subjected to a crime that is every woman’s worst nightmare. 

I usually never discuss issues such as the above on my blog, but this event was too heinous to ignore. I couldn’t continue to write in ignorance and wanted to use my platform in hopes that it reaches the demographic that needs it the most. 

As an Indian woman myself and as someone who has a lot of South-Asian female readers, I want to first take a moment to grieve with you. I want to grieve the loss of the lives of multiple women who have been abused in almost unthinkable ways. The women living in remote parts of the country who are subjected to financial, emotional and marital abuse (amongst others) on an almost daily basis, with no clear way out of it. The pain that comes with acknowledging the patriarchal nature of Indian society. The fact that there is hardly any awareness (in our schools or homes) around sexuality, consent and treating women with respect. The fact that even the criminal system is set up in a way where the women who are courageous enough to come forward with their experiences are later accused of being shameless and/or ‘asking for it’ because of the way they were dressed or the time they decided to step outside of their homes. 

This reality exists because a large portion of this culture is set up by men to benefit Indian men. The way victims are treated before, during and after the interrogation process. The way Indian households ostracise these women for coming forward. The way women are taught to lower their voices from a young age. 

And although I will never fully understand what these women may have gone through. I pray and hope that as the years go by, we teach our daughters how to use their voices. Instead of telling them to ‘adjust’ to the ‘erratic’ behaviour of their partners, we encourage them to raise their voices and hold these men accountable for their actions. I hope that we teach the men of this country that women are more than just objects for their gratification. I hope that alongside the need for a reformed justice system, we get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations with our kids because the reality is that dismantling a patriarchal hierarchy is going to have to start with conversations behind closed doors.